Manifesting My Apple — My Personal Awakening

Six months into the master’s program at USM, in March of 2014, my husband and I had been experimenting with exercises in creating our own reality, based on Pam Grout’s book E-Squared, which offers nine do-it-yourself experiments. One particular exercise focused on asking the Universe for assistance in manifesting a specific object. I asked the Universe to bring me an apple (an apple was simple, random, and lacked emotional charge). At the time, apples meant nothing to me, I don’t remember even being particularly fond of apples, so it was unlikely that anyone would offer one to me. Nor did I consciously remember my dad mowing down my apple tree at that time.

It seemed like a fun experiment to manifest something so random. But little did I realize I was tapping into the energy of the quantum field! I set my clear intention Sunday evening while my husband and I were in bed on our way to sleep. I said out loud in a summons, “Universe! Bring me an apple this week!” The next morning, I left town on an airplane for my company’s Global Exchange Conference in Dallas. This meeting would lay out the company’s strategic direction for the new year, and it also included the annual award ceremony for the previous year’s accomplishments. It was a major opportunity for networking with peers.

I had just earned a large bonus check and had also received a glowing annual review from my boss. For the most part, I was feeling good about my job. On some level, however, I knew this temporary glimmer was unsustainable, because deep down I had been covering up my misery ever since I’d started the position. I was getting good at stifling my feelings and ignoring my unhappiness. If I’m honest, my dissatisfaction had started long before, when I was a VP of Sales and Marketing at another company. I lost my job, along with 60 other people, when the company closed its doors in 2010.

Truly, I had been feeling dejection and depression since then. But in my new position my ego was feeling valued and recognized, and it was easy to look at all the incredible material things my profession afforded me. I masked my true self — my feminine, Spiritual, believer in magic and miracles, ancient wisdom knowing, High-Priestess self and kept on keeping on.

Despite what may have been being managed in my head, behaving like a buttoned up, emotionless corporate executive, was not good for my health. My body was contracted with numbing discomfort most of the time. I settled into my window seat on the plane and suddenly became aware of the acute pain in my shoulder that was running down my right arm. This pain had persisted for almost nine months. That day, the inflammation felt visible, and my nerves were literally screaming. The agony made me tired and emotional, so I applied the regular strategy that works wonders for corporate executives worldwide: I ignored it.

I burrowed up against the window to read Ken Robinson’s Finding Your Element. The book was assigned reading for my master’s program at the University of Santa Monica. I had high hopes for this book because, for my entire life, I’d been on a quest to find my element. Before my career began, I thought, as many of us do, that life was about pursuing money and material things. While my career was progressing, I thought I was supposed to find love. Once I found love, I started losing balance with my health because I was unknowingly suppressing the expression that wanted to be set free in the world. What was going to make me happy? Was that even possible? I found myself nearing the last pages of Robinson’s book, no closer to finding my element than when I had started. As I read, my body began “speaking louder”. My shoulder was throbbing and visibly swollen.

Trying to ignore the pain, I read, “Navigating your life is like being on the open seas. You can cling close to the known shores or you can set a more exploratory course.” I read on: “Mark Twain used this same metaphor in his famous quote: ‘Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So, throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.’” My mind raced about playing it safe. Issues I hadn’t been willing to look at suddenly bubbled up. Thoughts echoed like a chorus: You’re gonna be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do. . . .

Robinson continued with another quote from Ralph Waldo Emerson: “What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.” I felt pressure in my ears, moving up into my head. Thoughts I had been trying to push down were like a pile of bricks on my chest. Robinson shared that “finding your element is about discovering what lies within you and in doing so, transforming what lies before you.”

What lies within me? I began to wonder and felt a deep knowing that there was something more in me rising to the surface. And then the tears came as I read the clincher, a tiny little eight-line poem by Elizabeth Appel (not Anaise Nin as I once thought) that would become the catalyst for the profound life changes I would go on to make. (At that time, I did not notice that her last name Appel was so very close to spelling “apple”.) The poem burst open my heart and my head. It connected so poetically to the metaphor of my frozen shoulder.

Risk

And then the day came,
When the risk
To remain tight
In a bud
Was more painful
Than the risk
It took
To blossom.

I abruptly became conscious of the sobs. With tears flowing down my face, as I brought my knees to my chest, hoping no one on the plane would notice. Through a crystal-clear dose of Divine guidance and pure inner knowing, I suddenly understood that the pain in my shoulder and the fact that I couldn’t lift my arm above my chest was my Soul’s strategy to get my attention. I knew with complete clarity that this intense physical experience was directly connected to me suppressing my own potential. In that moment, the poem illustrated to me loud and clear that I was remaining tight in the bud.

All at once, it no longer mattered that I didn’t have “a plan” or that I had yet to “find my element.” Shit! I thought, I’m 44 years old. This is the age Dad was when he died. I knew that it was time to stop complaining and stop with the excuses and to quit this job that I did not love. I needed to decide how I wanted to spend the rest of my fleeting time left on the planet. I needed to stop playing it safe — or I might die.

I knew with all of my true inner knowingness that I had to embark on a journey of reinvention. It didn’t matter what people thought or what they would say when I walked away from the money, the recognition, and what many thought was one of the best jobs in the world. I somehow knew it was going to be okay, but I just sat there and cried. I cried from the pain and I cried from what I knew to be right inside of me and from the truth I had just discovered. I cried in awe and I cried in gratitude. I cried in embarrassment and I cried in shame, with the rawness of the realization that “all this” was not “all that.” But mostly, I cried in relief, that finally, after so many years of pretending, I was admitting to myself that it was up to me to make a change.

I got through the company event, knowing it would be my last conference. I moved through the program, looking through a different lens. Usually, I was the first one to the break-out room, grabbing a seat in the front row, taking copious notes and planning how I would implement all of the new ideas when I returned to the office. None of this happened. I was quiet, reserved, and kept to myself. I felt pride for this organization and for my 28-year career in hospitality. For a girl like me, an average middle-class ladder climber, I knew I had done okay. Sure, it was time for a change, a BIG change, but attending this conference was like a grand crescendo to my entire career. Sorta like a “farewell tour. I found myself expressing gratitude for the adventure so far.

On the last night I enjoyed a wonderful dinner in typical luxury-hotel style, with all the beauty and elegance of a first-class meal in a magical setting. I had a lovely time, secure in my inner knowing that this was the last dinner of this kind I’d be having for a while. I had emotionally embraced my decision to move on and, as a result, was able to relax and be myself, not really giving a damn about what anyone thought about who I was or what I said.

The gentleman sitting next to me was showing us pictures of the titanium in his leg. He was recovering from a terrible motorcycle accident. I talked about energy medicine and holistic healing with my dinner companions, sharing my new sense of personal freedom. I felt amazing expressing thoughts and ideas I had loved as a student of metaphysics since a young age. I was letting Spirit Girl out of the closet, and it felt so good.

Without feeling shy in any way, I told my tablemates, “This is way more fun and interesting than talking about sales and marketing!” We all laughed.

My name was called through the microphone on stage. For the third year in a row I was the recipient of the Western Regional Marketing Achievement Award. Three times a charm. For almost three decades I had worked my way up the corporate ladder in hospitality. I had been incredibly driven, dropping everyone and everything for the next best job. I walked away from friends, community, and even my first husband. Time and time again, I chose my career. I was now at “the top,” but I also knew this chapter of my life was complete. I was eager to move forward on the path of self-discovery and finding my element. I had absolutely no clue what that looked like, or how it was going to happen, or how I would support myself, but I knew I would figure it out. For the first time in almost a decade, I felt crystal clear.

As I walked back to my dinner table, clutching my award, I saw dessert being served. I gazed down at the elegant final course It looked good. But I didn’t realize what was happening until I read the menu card: Apple Composition, Almond Clafoutis, and Apple Confit with Green Apple Sorbet.

My jaw fell open. I thought, Are you f-ing kidding me? I glanced up and looked around. Oh my God, I thought, There is no one here who will get this story. No one in the room would understand why I had been trying to manifest an apple. I had kept this part of myself hidden because I was pretty sure people would think I was nuts. I kept Spirit Girl locked in the closet where she’d been since my early twenties. No one in my corporate world knew she was part of me. Spirit Girl is the real me. The true me. The part of me who loves Spirituality and metaphysics and psychology. She’s the girl who went to psychics and had her astrology read and devoured every metaphysical, spiritual, and self-help book she could find. She is the girl who is the modern-day mystic hiding in a closet. She’s the girl who enrolled herself in a master’s program in Spiritual Psychology, even though I wasn’t so sure. She is the High Priestess who came here to teach there are many different pathways to God.

I sat in awe, marveling at the Universe and the powers within it that had allowed me to create my own reality. Marveling at the power that was part of me. I sat dazed at the timing, which can only be considered a miracle! I was astonished, shocked, and humbled to receive this direct nod from the Universe itself, congratulating me on a job well done — not for winning the damn award, but for finally realizing my truth within.

I smiled, knowing I was ready to reinvent myself and that I had the support of the gods. Tears stung my eyes and Love opened my heart as I acknowledged the profound power of the moment. My life experience thus far had bestowed many gifts upon me, and I was grateful for each and every one. I looked down at my apple dessert with a deep knowing in my heart. I am a Spiritual Being having a human adventure. I am a unique, individualized expression of the Divine. I just freaking manifested an elaborate display of apples. And, in that moment, I knew I was far more powerful than what I had been pretending to be and suddenly had a deep understanding of the possibilities within me and the world.

Have you ever had the sense that you are so much more than you’ve been pretending?

About the Author

Donna Bond, M.A., is a Soul-Centered catalyst for personal transformation. Considered an Igniter of Light, Donna serves as an author, speaker, Spiritual life and business coach and personal transformation consultant. Supporting individual transformation of consciousness, she assists clients across the globe evolve into new heights of meaningful success, personal fulfillment, and Spiritual aliveness using the principles and practices of Spiritual Psychology. Donna offers inspiring classes, workshops, and transformative in-depth life-coaching programs assisting individuals and businesses to live into the full potential of their lives, from the inside out.

A graduate of the University of Santa Monica, she holds a Master of Arts in Spiritual Psychology with an emphasis in Consciousness, Health, and Healing, as well as her Professional Coaching and Soul-Centered Facilitation certifications. She is also a certified coach through The Life Mastery Institute.

A former hospitality sales and marketing executive for 28 years, Donna stepped down from her marketing role at The Ritz-Carlton and has since combined her business savvy and her intuitive Soul-Centered Coaching and facilitation to make a more meaningful contribution to the world.

Donna’s heartfelt intention is to raise the vibration of the planet by helping people Awaken into their true nature as a Spiritual Being having a human adventure. With this purpose as her guiding mission, her intention is to assist others in leading a more loving, joyful, authentic, and fulfilled life of meaning and purpose.

She and her husband, award-winning oil painter Paul Bond, live part time in Southern California and in Costa Rica with their two cats, Mystic and Rumi.

ORIGINAL WISDOM: HARNESS THE POWER OF THE AUTHENTIC YOU

Copyright © 2021 by Donna L. Bond, M.A. www.donnabond.com

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means without written permission from the author.

The poem “Risk” by Elizabeth Appel, which appears was reprinted with permission from the author. www.readelizabeth.com